Monday, 27 June 2011

44. Life Lesson - Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangster

Gangster ass niggas don't flex nuts, cause real gangster ass niggas know they got em.  That's some true shit bro.  Not claiming I'm a gangster but seeing all these "gangsters" on TV just irritates me a little.  Not mad.  Just irritated.  Slightly.  I mean, do you think Lil Wayne even has a high school diploma?  So if he's a gangster, anyone can be a gangster right?  I can be a gangster right now.  I flex nuts, I don't sleep, I rap.  I rap.  I rap.  I hit bitches.  Too bad most or all of that isn't true.  I bet it goes the same way for Lil Wayne, he can't rap, he can't flex nuts and he can't rap.  I guess he's not a gangster ass nigga.  He's just an African-American.  LOL.  Why are we watching him on TV then?  Why?  I bet it fucking feels great to be a gangster.  The things they claim are awesome: money, bitches and weed all day. If only that were true.
Sad reality, the women that Lil Wayne gets with are at best 6/10.  Shoulders too pointy.  Come at him.

Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
Also, let's listen to Drake freestyle, he's good.  Trust me.

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

43. Life Lesson - Stress: Dealing With it

There once was a day that I actually cared about exams, that was a couple days ago when I could actually get revoked of my university acceptance.  Yeah, I thought, if I failed, hello victory lap.  Stress.  Came and ate my butt hole.  Inside out.  So I decided to go ham on my fucking studying.  Goodbye victory lap, hello hair loss.  So how do you treat stress?  Don't think about the amount of work you have to do.  Don't think about any shit at all.  Do what you're suppose to do.  I know it's fucking hard but we're all able right, except dementors that have an iq below that of a dolphin.  That's right, the smartest dolphins in the world probably have more iq than a dementor.  BUT FUCK, YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT STRESS KK? You just do your shit bro.  Real bros don't have stress, real bros release stress on women.  Yeah, women get manicures and pedicures, we get handicures.  Nahmean?  So here's a joke for all of you I thought of when I was ripping my calculus exam, Why did the two derivaties who where completely opposite marry each other?

They both got a ln.

HAHAHA.  btw I fucking shat on calculus exam.  Teacher was impressed.  If my teacher was a sexy ass teen, she'd be like "heyy (:" WITH the double Y's.  You jelly.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

42. Life Lesson - Pictures and Videos

Pictures are memories.  Thank Captain Obvious right? Well fuck you then because they are like free porn movies.  Take as many as you want because they're free son but in the end you only use one, nawhmean.  Taking pictures and making those movies as you grow up while keeping only the memorable ones is fucking awesome.  You get to look back at when you and your friends did something fun.  You get to travel back then and you will remember the exact feeling you had on that date.  You might remember the most awkward video where you had the biggest boner or a video where you saw yourself doing some stupid shit.  You will feel fucking amazing.  These two things are like ice and cream, they mix and they mix well.  They're like youtube.  It's a tube, for you.  Hey, you might even have a video of you and your friends making fun of a kid, "LOL THAT KIDS A FAGGOT".  Straight classic.  Pure laughter.  You will instantly, like instantly, laugh when you watch it a year after.  And the kid that got made fun of?  Probably a billionaire now, but who gives a shit, he doesn't have fun and memorable times when he was a kid.  He was a faggot and you weren't, you had your friends and memories.

Saturday, 11 June 2011

41. Life Lesson - Hypocrites and Narcissists

Hay, let's talk about hypocrites and Narcissists. First of all, hypocrites, they're easy to find.  Especially online, facebook.  When you're in a debate with someone and you spot something hypocritical that's when you've won the debate.  I don't like hypocrites.  You shouldn't either.  I fucking hate hypocrites but I'm one myself.  Get paradoxed, you mad?  But in all seriousness, they are the scum of smegma in Super Mega Smegma ville.  They are like salt and vinegar chips; taste and smell like shit.  Come at me salt and vinegar chip lovers.  Hypocrites contradict themselves and are pretty much related with narcissists.  They coexist.  "I think I am an Indigo child, I SEE THINGS, I'VE MET A REPTILIAN, AVATARS ARE REAL!".  Stfu, ya fucking, faggot (sing-songly tone).  It's cool if you've looked up a youtube vid and think you're an indigo child but bitch plz, you're normal, like all of us.  Normal.  "BUT I READ BOOKS ON IT AND DRESS IN BLACK CLOTHES!! YOU DON'T BELIEVE THEREFORE YOU AREN'T ONE!"  Okay, you're a hipster who read a summary on another hipster's book.  Cool story bro.  Every time you punch out a hypocrite you get 2 brownie points, and if you combo it up with a narcissist you get a special attack, it's called, Haibroken!

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

40. Life Lesson - How to Survive the Cheap "No AC Summer Plan"

My parents, are very cheap.  As soon as I crank the AC up a little bit, they go bat crazy.  FUCKA YOU TURN THAT SHIT DOWN, you trying to make us waste money on something that isn't essential?  I'm chilling, or was chilling, and that happens.  So how do you survive this?  I've found a very brilliant way to survive the summer without an AC.  The Basement.  You go down there, excavate any fucking ghosts, dead bodies, dead animals, insects and penors. Rub one off because of the intense coldness of the temperature, then you fucking take your shit from upstairs and move it, like Beyonce said, to the left, but to the down. Yeah.  Ez Fucking Peazy, shitface.  There's also a theory I've come up with.  There's a thing called, The Humidity Ghost.  This ghost is what makes your house all hot and shit.  It goes like this.  The basement is where, the humidity ghost cannot tread, the middle floor is where it is born and half way upstairs to the second floor is where BOOM it shits on your face.  Upstairs is 40 degrees while the middle floor is 30 and the basement is 0.  How does this work?  The Humidity Ghost.  It jizzes on your skin on top floor and caresses your amber waves of grain in the middle floor.  You know why it can't go into the basement?  Because the basement is scary.  HF GL.

Sunday, 5 June 2011

39. Life Lesson - Nostalgia

I don't know about you but I love to feel nostalgic.  When I walk into Future Shop and I see Duck Tales on sale.  I just make a DAT ASS + Jizz face.  Must buy.  Feeling nostalgic is great.  You feel like you're a kid again, careless, no knowledge of how society works and who runs the country.  When I was a kid, I would play fucking Pokemon all day.  Not literally having sexual intercourse with Pokemon but PLAY POKEMON.  LIKE FUCK YEAH, MISSING NO. FUCK YEAH, PLZ FOLLOW ME PIKACHU you bitch.  And also, FUCK OFF RATTATA, no one wants to catch your shitty ass.   Then you realize what is this pure shit that you used to play as a kid.  Compare Pokemon to what you do now.  Oh dat youtube, oh dat facebook, oh dat porn. Before those three things would all be taken up by Pokemon time.  That's a long time. Also btw, gimme dat dratini.  Farken joocy dratini.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

38. Life Lesson - Water

You can't waste water.  Period.  It's called the hydrologic cycle.  Yeah, all you nature fans, water can't get wasted so please, it doesn't matter what you do with it.  Atoms can't be destroyed son, you mad?  That's not the case.  I've realized that the water that you drink in a bottle could've been someone's piss.  It could've been Michael Jackson's blood.  The water in your toilet could've been the blood of Osama Bin Laden.  Yeah.  You probably have juice that was recycled from someone's diarrhea shit.  After thinking this, I still drank water normally, not mad.  Just an interesting fact. Imagine, the bottle of liquid you're drinking now is from the blood of Adam.  Farken Joocy.  Your alpha just went up by a whole 200%.  Yeah, I drank the blood of Adam recycled as water.  How mad are you religion?  GG.