45. Life Lesson - Absence

Having absences in life is like living life without having a dick.  It's not acceptable, unless you're a woman, imagine living life without having the knowledge to cook.  Yeah gg.  Having an absence in almost anything is bad.  Such as, missing out on party.  You're missing out on potential women, drinks, friends, and most of all, fun.  Socializing is far more fun than playing games.  Trust me.  Absences lead to no good.  Absence in school is terrible, you miss out on learning which will lead to bad grades.  So, eat your cockmeatsandwich, suck it up, and stop being absent at events.  Go there, do your shit, do it good.  You might not have fun the first time, maybe even awkward.  But, after a while, you will have fun.  If you don't want to smoke weed and your friends are, you still go.  You tell them, "you're sharing a joint, potential HIV brah, umad?".  And just sit down and enjoy your Mc Donalds cheeseburger that you bought for 1.39 and will be 20x better than the 5 grams of weed they purchased for 20 bucks.  GG.  The moral?  Be there, socialize.

44. Life Lesson - Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangster

Gangster ass niggas don't flex nuts, cause real gangster ass niggas know they got em.  That's some true shit bro.  Not claiming I'm a gangster but seeing all these "gangsters" on TV just irritates me a little.  Not mad.  Just irritated.  Slightly.  I mean, do you think Lil Wayne even has a high school diploma?  So if he's a gangster, anyone can be a gangster right?  I can be a gangster right now.  I flex nuts, I don't sleep, I rap.  I rap.  I rap.  I hit bitches.  Too bad most or all of that isn't true.  I bet it goes the same way for Lil Wayne, he can't rap, he can't flex nuts and he can't rap.  I guess he's not a gangster ass nigga.  He's just an African-American.  LOL.  Why are we watching him on TV then?  Why?  I bet it fucking feels great to be a gangster.  The things they claim are awesome: money, bitches and weed all day. If only that were true.
Sad reality, the women that Lil Wayne gets with are at best 6/10.  Shoulders too pointy.  Come at him.

Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
Also, let's listen to Drake freestyle, he's good.  Trust me.

43. Life Lesson - Stress: Dealing With it

There once was a day that I actually cared about exams, that was a couple days ago when I could actually get revoked of my university acceptance.  Yeah, I thought, if I failed, hello victory lap.  Stress.  Came and ate my butt hole.  Inside out.  So I decided to go ham on my fucking studying.  Goodbye victory lap, hello hair loss.  So how do you treat stress?  Don't think about the amount of work you have to do.  Don't think about any shit at all.  Do what you're suppose to do.  I know it's fucking hard but we're all able right, except dementors that have an iq below that of a dolphin.  That's right, the smartest dolphins in the world probably have more iq than a dementor.  BUT FUCK, YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT STRESS KK? You just do your shit bro.  Real bros don't have stress, real bros release stress on women.  Yeah, women get manicures and pedicures, we get handicures.  Nahmean?  So here's a joke for all of you I thought of when I was ripping my calculus exam, Why did the two derivaties who where completely opposite marry each other?

They both got a ln.

HAHAHA.  btw I fucking shat on calculus exam.  Teacher was impressed.  If my teacher was a sexy ass teen, she'd be like "heyy (:" WITH the double Y's.  You jelly.

42. Life Lesson - Pictures and Videos

Pictures are memories.  Thank Captain Obvious right? Well fuck you then because they are like free porn movies.  Take as many as you want because they're free son but in the end you only use one, nawhmean.  Taking pictures and making those movies as you grow up while keeping only the memorable ones is fucking awesome.  You get to look back at when you and your friends did something fun.  You get to travel back then and you will remember the exact feeling you had on that date.  You might remember the most awkward video where you had the biggest boner or a video where you saw yourself doing some stupid shit.  You will feel fucking amazing.  These two things are like ice and cream, they mix and they mix well.  They're like youtube.  It's a tube, for you.  Hey, you might even have a video of you and your friends making fun of a kid, "LOL THAT KIDS A FAGGOT".  Straight classic.  Pure laughter.  You will instantly, like instantly, laugh when you watch it a year after.  And the kid that got made fun of?  Probably a billionaire now, but who gives a shit, he doesn't have fun and memorable times when he was a kid.  He was a faggot and you weren't, you had your friends and memories.

41. Life Lesson - Hypocrites and Narcissists

Hay, let's talk about hypocrites and Narcissists. First of all, hypocrites, they're easy to find.  Especially online, facebook.  When you're in a debate with someone and you spot something hypocritical that's when you've won the debate.  I don't like hypocrites.  You shouldn't either.  I fucking hate hypocrites but I'm one myself.  Get paradoxed, you mad?  But in all seriousness, they are the scum of smegma in Super Mega Smegma ville.  They are like salt and vinegar chips; taste and smell like shit.  Come at me salt and vinegar chip lovers.  Hypocrites contradict themselves and are pretty much related with narcissists.  They coexist.  "I think I am an Indigo child, I SEE THINGS, I'VE MET A REPTILIAN, AVATARS ARE REAL!".  Stfu, ya fucking, faggot (sing-songly tone).  It's cool if you've looked up a youtube vid and think you're an indigo child but bitch plz, you're normal, like all of us.  Normal.  "BUT I READ BOOKS ON IT AND DRESS IN BLACK CLOTHES!! YOU DON'T BELIEVE THEREFORE YOU AREN'T ONE!"  Okay, you're a hipster who read a summary on another hipster's book.  Cool story bro.  Every time you punch out a hypocrite you get 2 brownie points, and if you combo it up with a narcissist you get a special attack, it's called, Haibroken!

40. Life Lesson - How to Survive the Cheap "No AC Summer Plan"

My parents, are very cheap.  As soon as I crank the AC up a little bit, they go bat crazy.  FUCKA YOU TURN THAT SHIT DOWN, you trying to make us waste money on something that isn't essential?  I'm chilling, or was chilling, and that happens.  So how do you survive this?  I've found a very brilliant way to survive the summer without an AC.  The Basement.  You go down there, excavate any fucking ghosts, dead bodies, dead animals, insects and penors. Rub one off because of the intense coldness of the temperature, then you fucking take your shit from upstairs and move it, like Beyonce said, to the left, but to the down. Yeah.  Ez Fucking Peazy, shitface.  There's also a theory I've come up with.  There's a thing called, The Humidity Ghost.  This ghost is what makes your house all hot and shit.  It goes like this.  The basement is where, the humidity ghost cannot tread, the middle floor is where it is born and half way upstairs to the second floor is where BOOM it shits on your face.  Upstairs is 40 degrees while the middle floor is 30 and the basement is 0.  How does this work?  The Humidity Ghost.  It jizzes on your skin on top floor and caresses your amber waves of grain in the middle floor.  You know why it can't go into the basement?  Because the basement is scary.  HF GL.

39. Life Lesson - Nostalgia

I don't know about you but I love to feel nostalgic.  When I walk into Future Shop and I see Duck Tales on sale.  I just make a DAT ASS + Jizz face.  Must buy.  Feeling nostalgic is great.  You feel like you're a kid again, careless, no knowledge of how society works and who runs the country.  When I was a kid, I would play fucking Pokemon all day.  Not literally having sexual intercourse with Pokemon but PLAY POKEMON.  LIKE FUCK YEAH, MISSING NO. FUCK YEAH, PLZ FOLLOW ME PIKACHU you bitch.  And also, FUCK OFF RATTATA, no one wants to catch your shitty ass.   Then you realize what is this pure shit that you used to play as a kid.  Compare Pokemon to what you do now.  Oh dat youtube, oh dat facebook, oh dat porn. Before those three things would all be taken up by Pokemon time.  That's a long time. Also btw, gimme dat dratini.  Farken joocy dratini.

38. Life Lesson - Water

You can't waste water.  Period.  It's called the hydrologic cycle.  Yeah, all you nature fans, water can't get wasted so please, it doesn't matter what you do with it.  Atoms can't be destroyed son, you mad?  That's not the case.  I've realized that the water that you drink in a bottle could've been someone's piss.  It could've been Michael Jackson's blood.  The water in your toilet could've been the blood of Osama Bin Laden.  Yeah.  You probably have juice that was recycled from someone's diarrhea shit.  After thinking this, I still drank water normally, not mad.  Just an interesting fact. Imagine, the bottle of liquid you're drinking now is from the blood of Adam.  Farken Joocy.  Your alpha just went up by a whole 200%.  Yeah, I drank the blood of Adam recycled as water.  How mad are you religion?  GG.

37. Life Lesson - Sleep Paralysis

So, like the title says, I’ve been realizing that my sleep paralysis dreams are becoming more scary, not like fucking ghosts and shit but weirder.  Yes, I have sleep paralysis dreams and yes I realize that when you look at someone with sleep paralysis it looks like they’re jizzing their pants again and again.  But this happens to me like twice a month. I read somewhere that if you are able to control sleep paralysis you can actually go into spirit form! LOL.  TRANSFORM, in the shape of SPIRIT!  Who was the dumbfuck that made that up?  I’m going to try that shit next time.  Go into spirit form then sleep in spirit form and go into super spirit form.  Like fucking Inception and Dragon Ball Z together.  I call it Ballceptionz.  Patent pending.  Anyways back to the dreams.  I lie awake on my bed, unable to keep my eye lids open more than half, shit freaks me out.  There’s always a shadow on the fucking wall.  I don’t know what that shadow is doing there but I don’t fucking like it.  If I could only move.  If I could, I would fucking make the shadow eat my dick meat sandwich and tell it to get out my dreams.  Then I would tell him to make a fist and bang his teeth repeatedly over and over.  Try doing that.  Make a fist with one hand and hit your teeth with the folded thumb repeatedly.  Yeah you look like you’re sucking a dick.  You mad?  So basically, Life Lesson:  Try to control your sleep paralysis and kick the fucking shit out of the paranormal faggot that’s staring down at you. 

  

36. Life Lesson - Being Victorious and Everything That Relates To Victory

In life, your life, my life, we all want to win.  Winning is what gets the bitches.  Winning is what makes you feel good. Winning is what puts the hard on the nipples. Winning is what defines us.  Inb4 Charlie Sheen pun.  Being victorious is something that not everyone can achieve but you know what?  If you can't, then too bad mother fucker.  Tough luck, you're better off losing like a dipshit.  Problem?  To become victorious you have to have the mentality.  Whatever you're doing, do it with pride.  When trolling someone, you do it with pride.  You fucking drop bombs like Nagasaki on them bitches.  You take words to another level, you put creativity, you think outside and beyond the fucking tonka trollbox.  You take their genitals and stick it up their asses until they scream forfeit.  You fucking vagina punch them Captain Falcon style.  Have I told you how to win yet?  No.  Now, to win, in anything, you have to have background knowledge on it.  If you don't and you go into a challenge, then you're fucked upside down; missionary.  Now, if you read this, you are now on the verge of becoming victorious and everything that relates to victory, you know why?  Because there was absolutely nothing to gain from this paragraph but you still read it.  You are victorious.  If you didn't you are a mentally inferior cunt.  Mad?

35. Life Lesson - The Acceptance Phase

I got accepted into the university that I applied to and that is the University of Waterloo.  You mad I'm on dat academic time?  Yeah you better be.  'Cause based on my marks, I'm just an average human running shit.  79% all university courses average and I got into my program for Arts and Business.  I got my life planned and all that shit.  6 years for MBA and GG.  MBA = Motherfucking Balling Asshole's Certificate.  So MBAC.  I'M BACK MOTHERFUCKERS.  Anyways, enough trolling.  Gaining acceptance feels good right?  Yeah, it feels awesome, like the touch of a female.  Bonerific.  Unless she be ugly, then she better back off and acceptance would not feel good at all.  It would feel terrible.  Terrible like the touch of an ugly female.  Like the ones that are fat as fuck but still wear Gucci Prada Louis Vuitton shit, the ones that think they're hot but no, just no.  To gain acceptance into something that you like, you have to work for it but after you gain acceptance you just don't like it anymore.  Like, I fucking worked my ass off this year doing all these bullshit Calculus and Physics assignments then I get accepted.  But there's still one month of schooling left.  FUCK.  It's as if, "Oh hey, there's a twinkie, *eats*, oh hey, the creme is jizz".  Fuck yo couch.  I will still go hard in university; no erection.  I will drink all the females like they're milk; good for my bone-er.  So everyone let me try on your shoes and tell me what it felt like when you get accepted into something.  I'm outtie; fagget's belly button.

34. Life Lesson - The Weather

When you live in Canada, the weather is tres difficile to predict.  I mean, it can’t be consistent, at mother fucking all.  One day, it’s sunny as shit during Spring and the next it’s fucking jack the ripper foggy time with rain.  Yeah, I’m not exaggerating.  I’m sure the weather in Africa is much worse but Africa isn’t the fucking topic of discussion, is it?  No.  Back to Canada; you wake up on a normal sunny morning, attend school, during second period of school, you look outside (keep in mind this is Spring), there’s fucking snow shitting from the Heaven’s of Canada.  If I took my dick out, spread it over the hot English teacher that I have and then slapped her after the exchange of sexual pleasures was over, it’d be less random than the weather.  I believe that Canada has a fetish, like everyone else; it likes to dress up as Canada, and change up its mother fucking weather all the fucking time.  So, if you’re thinking, “hey I want to move to Toronto”.  Change your mind and go to Germany or someshit because Canada’s weather is on some nexx level Kanye West Let You Finish type of shit.  Enjoy your hail.  Oh yeah and your Justin Bieber.

33. Life Lesson - House Caterpillars

I don't know what these things specifically are but to me, they are caterpillars or fucking Missing No.'s from fucking Pokemon. My story?  It goes like this, 4AM, wake up, thirsty as hell.  Go downstairs, open fridge, chug some Arizona.  Feel the need to piss after staring at the fridge blankly with drink in my hand for 5 minutes.  Go upstairs, enter the washroom.  Open lights.  Look in mirror to check for Bloody Mary.  Nope.  All is good.  Look down.  Demon slithers across floor.  Close eyes.  Turn off lights.  Walk out room calmly then run into bed while frisking myself to get rid of all the caterpillars that could potentially get on me.  Sometimes, 3 out of 10, I would scream, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?".  I do this when I just lose control and get scared like a little bitch.  I usually don't sleep until an hour after.  In reality, I don't think these things are dangerous but they are just creepy as shit.  Like imagine if that shit was all over you when you are sleeping, GG LIFE.  Anything with 6 or more legs just creeps the fuck out of me.  Like spiders, you look at them, walk out slowly, then run away.  You folks will love this moral, Life Lesson:  Stop being a pussy and exterminate those fucking pussy ass caterpillars.

"No."

Foreveralone.jpg.

32. Life Lesson - Venting

Till I explode all up in your mouth; pop rocks.  That was what’s on my mind and what I had to get out.  Usually in life, everyone likes a good vent, in my example, I didn’t vent, I just wanted to express what was on my mind.  I guess you can call that air conditioning or what you learned in biology, HOMEOSTASIS…bitch!  That’s the regulation of temperature and shit in your body. You mad I’m on dat academic time?  Yeah you mad.  Anyways, venting is an excellent way to express YOUR views and thoughts on something YOU believe in, or you just want to go Rambo and overuse every single swear word to your friend.  Or, if you’re alpha, vent to someone you hate.  “Tyrone you fucking faggot cockroach, go suckabagofdicks”, Tyrone, “You mad?”.  Ez, both of you get venting points.  This one time, I open a fucking bag of bear paws and ate half of it until I realize ants have infested it and I was just like, “Fuck”.  Wasn’t the greatest bear paw.  That’s still venting.  Venting makes you feel good.  Just don’t vent too much or you’ll get anger problems and kill people; no Virginia Tech.  Anyways ending this off, my pen is the Bic Ultra Round Stic Grip.  

 

31. Life Lesson - Yogurt

Sup. New day. New post.  Yogurt.  The fuck?  You might think that a post based on yogurt is stupid right?  No, it's not stupid.  You're stupid and so is yogurt.  If I opened a fortune cookie and was gonna read my fortune, it would say, go fuck yourself before eating a yogurt. I don't understand how people can like yogurt.  I mean, with all due respect (to the fucking yogurt secret society and Yoplait or whoever fucking makes it), it tastes like saliva with ass matter inside it.  It looks like sperm.  I wonder what goes on in the yogurt factory.  "JEFF, I'm CUMMING!" "WHAT FLAVOUR?" "BLUUUUEEEBERRRRYYYYY".  Ok, I admit, once a week, yogurt would be good but not fucking every morning.  It's not that good for you.  OH SHIT. CALCIUM.  DAT BONE GROWTH.  But no, evidently, a lot of calcium turns into kidney stones and you know what kidney stones are?  They are the things that you'll have to shit out when you're forty years old.  I have never had one but reading experiences on it make me not want to experience it ever again. Unless I was some weird ass motherfucker who likes to shit out stones.  Anyways, you know curry?  That smelly shit that brown people eat everyday?  Guess what's inside it.  I found this out from one of my brown friends: Yogurt.  They say that men's minds are their dicks, if this is true, then my mind has been blown, by a transvestite.  Motherfucker, NO.

30. Life Lesson - Frisbee

LOL.  So fun.  Playing Frisbee is like watching magic school bus.  But you're not watching the bus, you're watching Mrs. Frizzle.  Is it mrs or ms?  She doesn't have a kid, so it might be ms, but then again, she's one hot tamale.  Get it, 'cause her hair is red?  Awr yeah.  Frrrah.  Ok, I'm about to drop the bomb on why playing frizzle is fucking explosive.  I don't think ya'll ready for this; virgin.  I'm about to heat it up; microwave.  Frizzy is hot; summer.  Ok, enough of this shit.  Frizzy is fucking bomb.  You throw a disc to someone and then?  YOU GET IT BACK AND YOU THROW IT FUCKING BACK AGAIN.  If you want to change positions, YOU CHANGE POSITIONS.  You throw it backhand, overhead, dagger or even fucking roll it to the right side so it does a fucking curvature to your friend.  HOLY SHIT.  If you're playing competitively, you throw that shit to your teammates.  HOLY SHIT.  Yes, that's right folks and women, you get teammates.  Also, it's co-ed.  You mad?  It's not only fun, it's also athletic!  You sweat your shit out, unless you're just tossing it around in which is more fun inside a gym where you can do some crazy shit like shit crazy some do can you where gym a inside fun more.  In the end of it all, you enjoy it and enjoy it.  


fucking glow in the dark
glow in your toilet
glow in the night
glow in the forest
glow.

29. Life Lesson - Eminem

Eminem.  Period.  All that should be said are already in that first sentence.  All you have to do is read in between the lines or rather line.  Eminem is the best mainstream rapper there is.  All you hip hop faggots can debate with me but Eminem is the best mainstream.  Only those who want to fucking say that he isn't are either on Lil Wayne's dick or Drake's.  I know you like the BBC up your ass, douche.  Yes, I'm on Eminem's dick, no homo.  What's there not to like about his music?  If you don't like it, you're either a soft ass bitch or a man bitch.  Man bitches are also called, gay faggots.  Gay faggots.  Eminem hates gays.  Therefore, I can prove, through mathematical equation that Gays are evil.  Gays = time and money, gays like to invest time into gay shit and costs more, from what I know.
.
So, Gays = (time) (money)             we all know time is money, Time = Money
So, Gays = (money) (money)         we all know when two multiply it becomes squared
So, Gays = (money)^2                   we all know money is the ROOT of all evil
So, Gays = evil

So, Eminem knows what's bad and what's good.  Listen to his music, he knows what's best.  His lyrics, his flow and his life.  The shit that he has accomplished throughout his life are far more amazing than anything from any rapper.
here's the link to my friend's Eminem upload.

28. Life Lesson - iPod Touch

The iPod touch is honestly one of the things that got me through high school.  You can put cheat sheets on it, take a pic of dat ass and what else? Easy pass on a test when the teacher allows you to listen to music.  Never been caught once; just rack up those fucking marks. Throw some A's on dat shet. Oh you got a biology test tomorrow?  Me too.  Next day.  What did you get on it?  "I fucking studied for 3 hours and got 70%".  You know what I got?  90% and I didn't study, I watched porn all day, it's evident that you are mad and I'm quite content.  I don't waste time on such trivial matters.  Ipod touch is the only intelligent way to get you through highschool.  You mad I hardly study and still ace tests?  You mad now you know my secret?  FUCK YEAH.   Ipod touch is a fucking need, it has wifi, it has a camera and you can download millions of fucking apps.  You know you want dem apps.  This one game is called Angry mother fucking Bird.  And how much fun do I have playing it?  FUCKING LOADS. Like I did to your mother.  You bring the bird back and release your anger on those wooden blocks.  Oh you don't see?  Well I think it's time for an iPod touch.  No I don't work for Apple but if you have an iPod touch you can vouch that it is a necessity.  Also, if you do have an iPod, don't get a case.  It's worthless, waste of 15 dollars.  I've had my iPod for 3 years and dropped it like 3 times and it works 100% fine.  Back is slightly scratched but who cares.  Oh and finally, you can watch porn on your iPod.  Yeah.

27. Life Lesson - Dubstep

Lol @ dubstep.  Life lesson, if you listen to it, you're a faggot, so avoid it.  At my school, a kid plays dubstep every morning since he does the morning music.  I don't know how the fuck he got chose to do it but he did.  This kid plays dubstep every fucking morning.  I'd be in a serious conversation with my friend,  "Hey steve, you tap dat ass yet?", I would ask them, then all of the sudden, WAAA WAAA WAAA WAAA DERP DERP DERP TSCH TSCH TSCH WAAA WAAAAA WAAA.  This would scare the shit out of me.  I thought the school was getting attacked by fucking Optimus Prime and his league of robots.  But no, dubstep isn't music, it's a recording of the engine of a car trying to start up.  You record that, then you get dubstep.  My farts would sound better with some drums added to them.  My fucking piss sound would make a better genre of music, PSSSSSSSSSS FLUSSHHH.  I call it, tripstep.  Continuing on, another story of dubstep is, when in gym class, our teacher usually gets the cord to hook to the speakers around the gym. So the announcer kid plugs his iPod in.  Guess who's back?  Optimus. Fucking. Prime.  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.  Shit hit the floor when he played that music.  Luckily everyone rejected his music, "turn that dick loving shit off!", says someone.  So he switches the song, what's next?  The Beatles, nice, dubstep, fuck you.  

26. Life Lesson - Peer Evaluation

The stuff is hilarious.  Especially if you're editing essays of someone who is almost or absolutely retarded.  The joke is?  It's academic grade 12 and I've maintained an average of 89 throughout the course.  I've just about edited the worse essays from my friends.  "Othello is black hero and is one of unique books of Shake Spear".  Read that shit. Then read it again backwards.  It makes more sense backwards than it does forwards.  At least when you read it backwards the hero has a name and is saying, "Oh Hello".  How the fuck is Othello a hero if he's black and discriminated.  Shake Spear?  What kind of porn you be watching?  This fucker kills his wife and himself.  I mean, don't get me wrong, he's the protagonist, but the protagonist isn't always the hero.  Then after I finish the edit or as I call it, the good copy, this person asks me, "Wat shult the tittle b?".  Buddy, we're not cybering here.  I don't want you to shit on my tit, B.  Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.  Whoever made that line up, please tell me why I'm crying at how bad people can write?  This person must've been an invertebrate.  So I finish re-editing the essay, my friend says, "Yo, this essay is gonna be gucci".  The fuck?  How does an essay become Gucci?  Are you talking about the shit in your dick?  That's called smegma and in any case, smegma was better looking than the essay before it was edited.  No homo.
Mad?
Yes.

25. Life Lesson - Reading Books

LOL.  Put up the letter L to the left side of your face with your left hand and do the same with your right hand on the right side, then make the O shape with your mouth.  Reading is like doing that for the length of your time reading.  You're on dat phaggy time.  Reading a book is one of those things that you don't do.  Ever.  Unless you're in English class that is.  I put emphasis on the word in.  You don't read unless you're inside the class.  Reading is one of those things that won't help you with anything.  Sure, your English teacher might argue, it improves vocabulary and diction.  Okay?  Well so does reading anything on the internet that uses an alien vocabulary to you.  Therefore, reading a book in English class doesn't help much but to make you follow through the course and getting a good mark. You can also argue that your English teacher is probably some fat 40 year old who's horny as fuck and wants to rape you and the scary part?  You're probably more right than them.  Your teacher probably reads every word in the English dictionary as "! COCKS, I WANT IT".  English class is all bullshit from grade 9-12.  You only need it once, and that's in elementary school.  You mad you had to waste over 1/30th of your lifetime reading and doing English homework?  Yeah you mad.  Most statistics are made up, but this one isn't, because I'm the man and your teachers a 40 year old swinger man whore.  Problem?

24. Life Lesson - Rage

Raging isn't one of the best things out there.  On the internet or in real life.  Rage doesn't get you anywhere, and certainly does not help you acquire female attraction.  Because, when you see a girl rage, do you think that shit's attractive? No! NO! Continuing, an example of fail rage is, when you get mad at your parents for saying some stupid shit and then you lock yourself into your own room.  What the fuck is that gonna do?  You realize you're going to have to come out sometime right? Or you can just chill in there and play loud ass music until they come in. That's probably the only way to counter that.  Play some hardcore rap, like some Wiz Khalifa, loudly, key word.  "BLACK STRIPE!", turn that shit down! "YELLOW PAINT", TURN THAT SHIT DOWN! "THEM NIGGERS SCARED", DID HE JUST SAY NIGGER?  I'm going up there and having a good talk with him. "BUT THEM HOES AIN'T".  You: Trollface.jpg.  But all in all, when they barge through, your parents will lay the smack down.  It's just a loss-loss situation for you, unless you enjoy pissing them off.  Rage also increases your blood pressure, that's not good man, unless you're a vampire, that's great.  Rage also gives stress, stress = white hairs, white hairs = opposite of super saiyin.  Yeah.  You get what I'm getting.  Rage is bad.  Now to end off with a forced cliche ending.  l o l u m a d b r o ?

23. Life Lesson - The BBB

You know what the BBB is?  Sometimes called the triple b.  That shit is SO cash.  Well sometimes, most times, actually now that I think of it, it's not that cash at all.  A lot of fat people these days.  Therefore, BBB doesn't tend to acquire my likings at all.  Fuck, I'm a hypocrite. Back to the topic, the BBB can be spotted everywhere, in front of you, behind you and beside you and if you're gay, you'll be changing that last B to a C and seeing a lot of it.  Rarely, do I personally ever spot a BBB to my likings.  The BBB is an acronym for, Big Booty Bitches.  Now this might sound terrific because everyone loves the BBB, even your father.  But, BBB doesn't stand for all the hot girls, it stands for all the girls, in general.  That's right, even the fat ones.  Those are the ones you have to watch out for.  If you stumble upon them on your quest to slay some BBB, then you sir, have a problem.  How do you solve this?  Take out your calculus vectors, poke that bitch a couple magnitudes away, and while you're at it drop a couple of magnitudes of earthquakes; no Geodude.  Now this is when the Fat BBB's like to counter attack you.  They aim straight for your ego knowing they've already lost theirs, they kick your dick.  No, not ballsack, they aim straight for the dick.  Unless you have a sword dick or the Chronicles of Riddick, you're not winning this match.  The only defense is to throw some food aside and get the fuck out of there.  I need not cover what to do with the good BBBs.  Since that's all you.  Good luck on your mission in acquiring the BBB you fucker.

22. Life Lesson - Timing

You know the deal, timing has to be right for everything.  Yeah, I got straight to the point; no boner.  In your life, my life, your mothers life who I potentially want to sleep with, timing has to right.  You have to spread time out and fuck it until you realize that you need not have urgency in your life.  One example is studying for exams, yeah you might think, oh shit lets study the night before exams! I can definitely cram all the terms of the male and female genitalia in my head for biology!  No, no you can't mother fucker.  That's like saying, I can definitely acquire four females at a party in one night, no, no you can't.  Unless the chicks are mad ooglee, which I doubt since ugly chicks don't go to parties then I don't really have any advice for you if you're going to those types of parties.  Where all they serve are Kool-Aid Jammers with a side of classical music for a buzz.  And you'll get boners off doing homework together.  Back to the lesson, the next day on that exam, where the night before you only studied a couple of hours, you'll realize that you'll get nailed by a male genitalia in your ass on the exam.  To reiterate, you have to spread time out and fuck it.  You have to study 2 days before that.  Doesn't seem like much but will probably improve your mark on an exam by ten percent.  A whole mother fucking ten percent.  Ten percent is like going from 1000 dollars to 1100 dollars.  You get an extra 100 dollars.  Think of all the shit you can buy: 50 packs of wafer bars, 5 packs of condoms, 100 green tea Arizonas.  Lettuce be reality here, 10% more is just better.  10% more ass, 10% more teets.  You know you want it.  Timing has to be right. Have a good night.

21. Life Lesson - Wafer Bars

I'm munching on this Wafer Bar right now.  All I have to say is, this stuff is delicious.  Especially the Wafer Bars of the Napolitanke variety.  I mean, this chocolate cream filled goodness just makes you get an erection on an erection.  So it'd be some sort of weird disease on your dick but no, fuck you, it's the only way to describe it.  Instead of Dat Ass, you'd be saying Dat Wafer Bar.  This stuff is so Gucci Prada Louis Vuitton Paki Swag  it's not even funny.  Life Lesson?  Buy it, eat it, enjoy it.  One serving is 3 bars, I've had about 10 bars so far. You mad I just had about 3.25 servings of the recommended wafer bars?  No, you're mad at the fact that you have none.  LOL GG.  No, I'm not a 14 year old kid who trolls all day but that's another good way to describe how good wafer bars are; 14 year old kids who troll, they make you laugh, therefore, enjoyable just like these wafer bars.  All you faggots sitting at home typing on your keyboard while I'm typing and eating at the same time.  This shit gives you super powers.  Who says multitasking is a myth when I'm eating these muhfucking bars and typing at the same time?  I'm laughing at how much better these bars make me feel.  I feel like I'm on top of the world; your fatass mother that is.  So I'm just gonna let my bars explode in your mothers mouth; pop rocks.  Wafer bars are the shit of a shit.  Shit.

20. Life Lesson - Laughing at Kids

In elementary school, I remember way back when recess was the shit.  Now recess = breaks, and breaks are still the shit but shittier.  I remember all the good times I used to have with my friends (no homo).  Just laughing at the lower grades when we were in grade 8.  It's always the first question, "What grade are you in?", "six", "I'm in grade 8 mother fucker, better step off my mother fucking four square".  Kids would then cry and tell the teachers.  Life lesson?  Enjoy your life while you can, I doubt you're 14 and reading this but enjoy while life lasts.  The good times will be when you're young.  On to this story, my friends and I were playing some basketball and all the women were mirin' us.  "You mirin' Chelsea? Yeah you mirin' my ball handling skills".  "Oh, you make me blush, you can handle my balls any day", responded Chelsea.  I gave a nasty jizz face and dipped the fuck outta there.   That's not the story though, the story is, this Indian kid, call him Phaggit or rather Phageet (pronounced Pha-jeet); runs out the doors of the school right in the middle of our basketball game.  He slides on the ice on the floor and wipes the fuck out.  Our whole basketball team laughed our asses off.  It was like we're all Santa but instead Ho's we get Ha's.  HAHAHAAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA.  Just pure lolling at Phaggit.  Then he tells the teacher who coincidently was the coach of the basketball team.  She cancels our team.  Basically tells us to cut our nipples off so she can bathe in our sadness.  Or imagine a big cock heading in your mouth and you know you have to suck it but then it turns around and pokes you in the eye but you feel relieved that you didn't actually have to suck it.  But no, the lulz that we enjoyed was far more pleasant than the basketball team.  Now this Phaggit kid is in secondary school and I'm in grade 12.  I still laugh at this motherfucker all day; along with my friends.  Moral of the story, enjoy your life, to the fullest.  Unless you're Phaggit.

19. Life Lesson - Cafe Food

So, topic at hand, cafe food, dick in the other hand, jizzed all over cafe food.  Didn't quite enjoy it.  Cafe food to say, isn't the greatest thing in the world.  I mean, it's there so you don't have to walk outside but it's incredibly overpriced and incredibly bad for you.  The fried food they serve there is nothing but a bunch of nuggets put together from a No-name brand.  Yeah, it's not KFC or even Mickey Dee level of chicken nuggets, it's that bad.  So there's this one time, yes I'm gonna tell a story, I bought a chicken wrap from the cafe right before spartacus, wasn't a good idea.  Here's why; I had this running test to do in spartacus and it was to run the length of 7.8 KM while being timed.  After consuming the toxic food, I run one lap and that was about 2 KM.  I start feeling like ass.  My ass starts to feel like ass.  There was this uneasy feeling of clouded shit in my lower bowels.  Then  I get the sudden feeling of, "Gotta shit bro".  So that's when it hit me, dump = pants or test = fail.  I chose the better one out of the two, test = fail.  I walked the rest of the laps off and finished an hour or so behind everyone else.  How Sonic the fucking Hedgehog am I?  Not very.  Moral of the story, don't buy cafe food unless you really have to.  Even your mothers sandwiches are a better choice,at least I think so.

18. Life Lesson - Conspiracies

Believe it? Nawh, maybe, actually I don't know.  Conspiracies may be some bunch of dumb asses who gathered together and spread coincidental images over the internet or it can be a bunch of educated students who gathered together and spread true information.  I can't really decide on which one to believe.  There are the little triangles on the American bill.  Yeah, so what mother fucker?  Triangles?  This isn't the Legend of Zelda.  OH SHIT, there's a triforce, yup, gotta be Illuminati.  I'm pretty sure the Illuminati didn't create Zelda and the Orcarina of Time or else Link would've been on our asses by now.  Then people might think, that's because you're part of the Illuminati.  Yeah, true, I am and I also fucked your mother last night.  I mean, the Masons were real and they were quite wealthy but that doesn't account for the Illuminati, or does it?  Shit got me all confused.  Life lesson, don't strongly believe in the Illuminati and don't strongly disagree in them.  Because if they are real, you'll get raped, gang style by P Diddy, Jay Z, George Bush and Barack Obama and many others; take a hint, they're all over 30, you like the old sex?  If they're not real then you can happily move on with your life towards global warming.  Or is global warming an Illuminati plot as well?  Shit brah, Japan possibly got merked by the Illuminati too.  You know what?  Fuck this, I'm going to enjoy my life and you can enjoy yours.  I ain't gonna do shit, until I see a tit.

17. Life Lesson - Music

This topic is broad and bland and overdone, I know but shut the fuck up for a second and let me explain in details the dimensions and lengths of music and it's ability to arouse your sexual interests.  Yeah, now I got your attention mother fucker.  Music is THE shit.  When you put the ear buds, plugs, head phones, cocks in your ear, you get an energized feeling of a most weird and awkward boner ever unless you listen to some phaggy time music like Lil Wayne.  Anyways, the genres of music that enthrall my mind and body are hip hop and metal.  I realize that they are complete opposites but shut the fuck up for a second and let me explain.  Hip hop is for normal walking music; I listen to it when I'm walking my dog or just want some bouncy music to bounce to.  I listen to Lupe Fiasco and Eminem.  They are the only seemingly good rappers in mainsteam.  Drake and Lil Wayne just suck cock.  Metal on the other hand, is for working out and exercising.  Bands like Parkway Drive and Lamb of God are ones that I enjoy.  Shit is SO cash to work out to and so is Teenage Dream or Who Says but y'kna'mean.  You people have to like a type of music, any type.  Music will get you through life and its hardships or rather my hardships in your girlfriend.  No really, listen to music.  Deuces.

16. Life Lesson - Weekend Life

It's time to get things settled, the weekend is for sleeping and occasionally hanging out with friends and partying, unless you're phaggot.  The occasionally should be taken lightly, sleep is the first thing that you need to catch up on.  Sleep is the fucking shit.  You sleep for 8 hours?  You get ate by ass demons.  You sleep for 12 hours?  You get ate by nipple demons.  You sleep until you feel good?  Pure fucking profit, or rather, pro-tip.  Weekends are also for hanging out with friends, after 6PM that is because from 12 to 6 is YOUR time.  That's when you can do whatever the fuck you want.  You can fap, you can nap, you can get that job done, this job done, get a blow job done.  Anything you want.  After 6?  That's when the party starts motherfucker. You get to hang out with people that make you laugh, cry and shit your pants.  Weekends times are never a dull moment, even if you are sitting at home writing a fucking spectacular blog, it's never a dull moment; no Family Channel.  But then you think, you always get bored.  Evidently, if you're bored, then you're a cocksucker, period.  Weekends aren't boring, I mean, you wait the whole week for every weekend and then you get bored, fuck no.  You pathetic fallacy of a trembling chair.  Please do fun and awesome things unless you're the 22nd word of this paragraph.  Enjoy your weekends.

15. Life Lesson - Smarten Up

In school life, there are the smart people and the lower class of intellectuals.  When you're in school, you're forced to use your brain to learn (no shit eh?) and when you're not, you hardly use your brain, well for academic purposes anyways.  So, to the point, academics is just like society, there are the smart people, they are the ones that will get to places and will just get smarter, in society they are the bureaucrats and then theres the proletariats, the middle working class and below, they just get poorer and poorer, this is reflected by their intelligence; they become dumb and dumber. So, you have to fucking smarten up in school or you'll just take it up the ass more and more everyday until you become enraged and drop out.  Smartening up will take that dick out of your ass and out of your life and be replaced with poon.  Acquire currency, acquire females but disregard haters.  This is what you'll have if you smarten up.  Everything you do will become boss like and you'll no longer be the fapper but now, the fappee.  Enjoy your cheese.

14. Life Lesson - Bitches and Hoes

The bitches and hoes, yeah you know who they are and they know who you are, probably, unless you're a phaggot.  Bitches and hoes are different but they do have similarities.  Differences are the bitches are bred from the deep jungles of the Amazonian forest and they are trained to attack you head on regardless of what you have and what they have.  They will spear your heart and crush your limbs.  The hoes are the ones that you see in the garden, many people use them to dig dirt and for usual plowing needs.  How do you know when you've spotted a hoe?  They're with the bitches; that's the similarity, they hang out together, attack and feast together.  They're usually the bitches' bestfriend.  Bitches and hoes love to gather in a pack and just take your pride, step on it, fuck it, shit on it, and decompose it by saying, you're that bad looking after all.  But you've already lost all your pride to a bunch of women, GG life.  The Amazonian bitches love to fight with other bitches from other packs and so do the hoes.  When a fight occurs, it's usually verbal and directed at the hoes from the bitches of another clan. Then?  Hell occurs.  Hairs are ripped, shirts are ripped and nipples are ripped.  And in the end, no damage is done what so ever to each other except to their accessories.  I don't quite understand it, but it's whoever can damage the most apparel wins not whoever can break a nose and knock a kid out.  Advice to men?  Stray off the path of the bitches or even better, learn to tame them, be a bitch tamer.  To the hoes?  Avoid their dirt.  They carry many disease.  They don't need to verbally harass you, they can sexually kill you.  Advice to women?  Less accessories and you win automatically in a fight.

13. Life Lesson - Superstitions and Nothing to Do Days

I'll get this to the point, it's my 13th blog and I have no problem writing this.  Superstitions are fucking stupid and if you believe then so are you, prick.  Unless there are some facts to back up why 13 is unlucky, all you superstition fags can suck hard on my fresh tea bag; women applicants only.  Also, the second part, today is one of those days that I have nothing to do but write a cliche blog about days that are boring.  First of all, this isn't a fucking cliche blog, I know I contradicted myself but fuck yourselves.  Rofl "butt fuck yourselfs".  This blog is going to be fun filled with jokes and junk. Anyways, I am sitting here, upstairs, eating some of this Juicee fuit slices.  And yes, it's spelled "Juicee".  To emphasize how juicy it is, it's not just juicy, it's FAWKING JOOCY.  Made with real fruit juice too.  Then I look in the back, "not a significant amount of Vitamin C".  I guess they put one drop for every 1 kg of this Juicee product.  Get it?  Juicy product.  Moving on, my phone is ringing, don't know if I should get it or continue writing.  Picked it up, was some Asian chick.  Who calls me at 4:21PM?  This is when I wake up on Saturdays, you mad?  Yeah you mad that my body clock is fucked.  Cancelled plans for Pho and she probably mad.  Another topic, while answering the phone, I realized, even with a corded phone I get radio signals, fucking "it's not unusual" song came on during the phone call.  Brings me back to Fresh Prince days.  Need a sequel series to that.  Yes I am fucking mad.  Rage quit.

12. Life Lesson - AriZona Green Tea

Shit is cash.  Before I even start to explain it, this shit is CASH.  I can not intellectually emphasize how good the taste of green tea is, boner has already been reached.  AriZona Green Tea is probably the best iced tea I've ever drank.  It's better than Nestea, has less sugar when compared with the same amount of volume but has more taste; in my opinion that is.  Like, when I drink it, I feel as if T-Pain was in my mouth (no homo) and constantly Bought Me a Drank, but substitute drank for taste buds.  Shit is too cash.  Although the green tea is good, I don't quite like the other flavours, I tried mango and overall, the taste was good but it just had too much of the after taste of sugar; like all fruit juices, not that appealing.  The lemon iced tea AriZona wasn't that great either, same fucking problem, the huge craterade of after taste of sugar in my mouth, I'd rather eat some beets raw than drink that shit ever again.  I'd rather take a kamehameha to the fucking ball sack then to drink that again.  Lemon iced tea from AriZona is pure fail but the can looks pretty sexy.  In conclusion, AriZnoa Green Tea is Gucci Prada swag on full tilt.  Leggo my fawking Green Tea, shiet.

11. Life Lessson - Snow Days

Shit is cash.  All I have to say.  Today was the only day out of the whole year that I've had a snow day and I enjoyed it thoroughly.  I mean, I woke up in the morning thinking about my calculus test then, BAM like a hundred dollars just dropped onto my hands, no actually, not like that, more like a party where all the women gathered in front of you and a huge orgy just flourished with you being the only man.  That's how good it felt.  I never thought that it would be a snow day.  So the moral?  Don't ever pray that just because the next day is about to snow, say it's a snow day.  Don't jinx it, ever.  No one ever said anything about a snow day happening today and look what happened, God came and rubbed everyones nipples.   Will tomorrow be a snow day? Hell nawh.

10. Life Lesson - Calculus

Calculus, what the fuck Newton?  What the fuck.  You invented the most pointless pieces of series of equations I have ever witnessed in my entire life.  No I do not want to do dot products.  I know this will lead me to a great start in engineering but what's the relevancy of calculus to life science?  Calculus is not a science it's a fucking math, same with physics.  Newton you dumb fuck, you made this just to screw with people's grades such as mine.  Well mine aren't all that bad, I think high seventies but still, you're a phaggot for inventing something that's irrelevant to my life.  If I was Kanye, I wouldn't even let you finish.  On the side note, this is more of a venting blog then a life lesson.  Back to the topic, calculus is something that you want to try to avoid when going into grade 12.  It will drop your average, not even kidding.  You will be happy of all the stress relieved from your shoulders.  I have this one friend who I saw when she was doing her calculus exam, she was so stressed and I laughed pretty hard.  But in the end, she got 100% on the exam.  Still, she had stress and probably took a nasty dump in her pants after the exam.  Here's a life lesson, avoid calculus or be a phaggot. :)

9. Life Lesson - School Work

No one gives a shit about school work when they're enrolled in elementary school and the junior steps of high school.  People start taking shits when it's grade 12, the mid term.  The fucking midterm.  The midterm is like an anal probe that's been released into your asshole and will remain there until you get the midterm marks.  The mid term is something you DO NOT want to fuck with.  It is lethal like lethal weapon two, that's pretty lethal.  This is what sets your life and the path that you will take.  Fucking scary.  I mean, you can take an extra semester the year after but what's the point?  Your parents would probably kick you out right after you turn 18.  You have to take grade 12 seriously.  Don't want to ruin the fun of partying but less of it means better school marks.  Once you get into university or college you can party all the fucking time, slay all the poon you want but til then, study.  You just have to wait, unlike those dumbfucks who don't care and just skip every day.  You're not cool, you're a failure.  After your parents kick you out, you'll feel the aftermath of your skipping.  Unless you have some amazing talent, your life is done after highschool.  So, grip your fucking sanded nipples for the ride of grade twelve, you will need it.

8. Life Lesson - Sleep is Somewhat Awsome

Although sleep passes in what seems like a blink of an eye, it lasts for hours.  Sleep can only be described as an orgasmic ecstasy.  When you sleep or nap your body just lifts away from reality and you drift into sexual arousal; literally and figuratively.  Coming home from a tiring day of school or work and lying on a soft flat bed, couch or even floor feels incredible.  Sometimes you just want sleep to last forever.  However, there is the "somewhat" part.  When you sleep at a time that is unusual for your body's clock, the aftermath is terrible.  You wake up and just have sores and pains (nothing gay unless you take it up the ass, then it's gay).  This is because your body is so new to this time of sleep that it does things that I don't even fucking know, some magical demon comes in and just stabs your body with his pitchfork and takes a shit on your face.  Yeah, that's what happens, you get molested by a magical demon when you sleep at the wrong time.  So sleep on the right time, unless you're getting laid, then sleep whenever you feel like; just prepare for that fucking demon.

7. Life Lesson - Play That Funky Ass Music

You know when you're working out and you put your iPod earbuds on?  No not that, the moment after, when just the right song comes on and you start pumping weights with supernatural motivation.  Yes, that's when you realize you're listening to the most pussy ass song on Earth, "Since You Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson".  You scream out, "Fuck".  Then after your workout, you go in the shower and the same thing happens, without realization, you're singing "Teenage Dream - Katy Perry".  No, this is not a near gay experience, this is when you finally realize that music revolves around your whole entire life.  Every year, new music comes out and, even if you don't listen to them, they get stuck into your head.  Music is what motivates us, inspires us, makes us move on.  Everyone needs to do something, even pornstars. You always hear that funky ass techno music, that's to motivate you and the actors.  Everyone enjoys music, you just have to find the right kind.

6. Life Lesson - Stories

To enjoy life, you have to have funny stories. Times of when you screwed your friend over and vice versa. Stories make up life and decreases stress. You wanna have a good time right buddy? Well...the only way to have a good time without getting drunk or high is telling a good emarassing tale. "One time, I fell asleep on my friends couch and they decided to draw dicks all over my face". That's the golden shit. That's what people live off of. This is how you become a social YOU. Telling a good story is like having a good orgasm, everyone is satisfied after but always come back for more. Keep those stories rolling and those memories vivid because there will be times where you will need them.

5. Life Lesson - The "Lulz"

"That kids a fucking faggot", when things like that are said to other people, it's funny.  Although it's mean, things like that are not meant to be taken seriously.  Laughter runs everyones life, a study in Norway shows that people who are humorous, live longer (http://longevity.about.com/b/2007/03/28/laughter-extends-life.htm). You might think to yourself, calling some kid a "fucking turd fuck" would be mean, but it's actually giving yourself more life capacity and to the people around you who enjoyed that joke.  Screaming out "Cocks, cocks, cocks, cocks" while someone is on the phone with their parents is a great way to laugh and enjoy life.  Treat air like it's your ecstasy, treat words as if they're "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" type of thing.  Sometimes, people like to start fights if things are said to them.  You know what you have to do if this happens?  Pull out your MMA shirt and become an invertebrate, sticks and stones can't bones if you don't have them, ya fucking faggot.

4. Life Lesson - Goals

Everyone has goals that are to be achieved.  Once a goal is achieved, what happens after?  Another goal is forged and pursued after.  Goals are what shape our lives.  For example, you have a goal to get a job.  What happens after you get a job?  You work to get money; then money will be the main goal.  Goals sculpt the fabric of human life and maybe life in general.  Have goals in your life, realize them, pursue them and never give up on one.

3. Life Lesson - Past

I realized that people are living too much in the past as they are the present.  Did you know that a minute of the past is actually thousands of years?  Our present is the past because the light from the Sun bounces off our Earth and into space.  If someone could go faster than the speed of light, then we would be able to catch up to the light that bounced off Earth and look into the past.  So, since we are living in millions of years in the past, why look more into the pasts past rather than the past, which is now.  Live your life to the fullest, every minute, every second.  Don't look back.

2. Life Lesson - Religion

Have you dedicated yourself to something your parents and their parents dedicated themselves to?  I know this seems abstract but you're living your life, if you want to believe in a specific religion, then by all means, do it.  If you were forced upon something like such then why continue?  Why suffer?  Do you want to shorten your life with stress?  Religion is not something that I can personally speak upon since I am not religious nor an Atheist.  I can tell you that if you are religious and strongly believe in something then go for it.  If not, then ditch it.  Do you really think there are millions of Gods looking over Earth?

1.Life Lesson - Trust

"The mind is like an iceburg, with one seventh of it's bulk above water", stated Sigmund Freud, if you think he's an absolute nutcase, then you should stop reading but if you have a slight curiosity of what is to become of this paragraph then read on.  Your friends, your family, yourself; they all have you in it.  Everyone around you and yourself never shed the absolute complete truth.  Everything is altered or changed,  so whenever you think you can trust someone, that is false.  Always, always keep backups for yourself, if it's buying something expensive or lending to a "friend".  Absolute trust isn't real.